Welcome back to another Top 5 installment, in which we count down the Top 5 ‘The F*ck?’ moments from the latest episode of Game of Thrones. Featured this week is Episode 5×02: ‘The House of Black(face) & White’.
5. Cersei Accused Jamie Lannister of Being a Deadbeat Dad
After receiving a threat against her daughter from Oberyn’s family, Cersei goes a little batshit and, in the process, tells Jamie to stop being such an absentee father. He’s like “Right, but uhhh incest and stuff so SHHHH.” But Cersei isn’t having it and threatens to go all Milton from Office Space on Dorne should anything happen to Myrcella.
Are there racist undertones to having the old black dude from White House Black Market The House of Black & White quite literally peel off his face to reveal a younger, whiter one underneath? Maybe, maybe not. But…maybe.
3. Sansa Stark Continued to be an Embarrassment to the Stark Name
George R.R. Martin has killed off many much-beloved Starks, so why do I still have to watch this little shit choose Littlefinger over Brienne of Tarth? I want nothing but misery for her so she’ll probably end up ruling Westeros by the time all this shit is done.
2. Jon Snow was Voted Prom Queen of the Night’s Watch
I’ve been pretty bored with the goings-on at The Wall lately, but watching the arguments against each of the 3 candidates devolve into catty accusations of pants-pissing and wildling-banging was pretty entertaining. That said, Stannis promising him a future as “Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell” has me nervous for Jon’s lifespan potential.
1. Drogan Returned from Spring Break
After having the former slaves turn against her for publicly executing one of their own, Dany gets a little pick-me-up in the form of the return of her 3rd dragon, Drogan. Since he hasn’t been chained up in a dungeon like his siblings, he’s still cool with her, but that will probably be an awkward conversation in the morning.
Until next week…