Why does Jason Bard hate Batman so much?! Find out in this issue of I don’t review things really.
Table of Contents
Paraphrase of The Week
The Secret Origin of Jason Bard
- Batman beats Bard’s ass in finally, and he deserves it now more than ever
- Vicki tells Bard he’s so pathetic she wouldn’t even bother writing about him, and coming from her, that’s saying something
- Tim Drake’s story FINALLY continues. There’s been no progress in their nanobot investigation. Where the fuck is Sergei? (The guy who made the nanobots in the first place and has a cyborg monkey). They kidnapped him from Japan at the start of the series and fell off the face of the Batman Earthternal. Get it? It’s a stupid joke for a stupid story structure
- The Secret Origin of Jason Bard
Paraphrase of The Week
Jason Bard: I saved people, Batman, because I’m stopping you.
Batman: People died because you blew them up.
Bard: NUH-UH! They were YOUR weapons!
- Batman once again points out all the loose plot threads of the series in case you forgot that they remain unaddressed. Hopefully Batman is gonna clean up the nanobot sideplot now that we’ve been reminded that it’s been ignored all this time
- Batman tells Jason Bard if he really does want to do good, he should prove it. God forbid he can’t throw Bard’s ass in jail and get Jim out. No no, stay commissioner, it’s cool
- Batman’s sidekicks show up, how cool! So I guess Batgirl ditched Gotham and Bruce and her inmate father to dick around in college, wooow. I didn’t question Jason Todd leaving since he does whatever he wants anyways. Lastly Tim was busy accomplishing nothing and got shoved out of the story cause one issue a week still isn’t enough space to tell the story Batman Eternal has apparently
THE SECRET ORIGIN OF JASON BARD
Alright you guys, here it is, this is the Secret Origin of Jason Bard. Back in Detroit, how ever long ago, a vigilante (inspired by Batman), habitually fails at preventing crime and gets himself hospitalized on a regular basis. For some reason they never bother to arrest him, which might have prevented the tragedy that created the bard-ass we now know. Jason Bard and his lady-cop partner, Jodie, were trying to perform a drug bust, just the two of them by the looks of it, cause that’s raiding policy in Detroit, even when Robocop isn’t around. Failman falls in and gets Jodie shot to death. Bard had the hots for her, and he swears Batman will pay or something. Hush talks to him in a bar and takes him away, maybe sex, maybe plans to murder Batman. I know all of Batman’s villains have degrees of insanity, but this is the biggest overreaction you can have. Thankfully even Batman points out how much of a fuckhead Bard is since his actions have gotten people killed directly with all of his bullshit trying to frame Batman, and indirectly by keeping the police from doing any useful work, and keeping Batman from his work. We still don’t know who Jason’s “Mom” is that he talked to issues ago. Maybe he was talking to Hush on the phone, or maybe the writers forgot they mentioned that plot point too.